19 Feb How to Resolve Conflict In Marriage God’s Way
The Color of Marriage Devotional
Today’s Devotion – HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE
Today’s Devotion is all about how to resolve conflict in marriage. Even though how to resolve conflict in marriage may not be mentioned very much in this devotion, it’s still the topic that I would like for you to focus on as you take in the substance of today’s devotion. Also, as you absorb the material of today’s devotion, understand that this is, without a doubt, about how to resolve conflict in marriage, God’s way.
If You Could Hear Yourself Through Their Ears…
What if you could hear everything you said to your spouse through their ears?
Would you keep talking the same way—or would you pause, recognizing the pain behind your own words? Would you speak with more care, knowing the weight of your tone and timing?
Many couples don’t realize how their words, tone, and timing create deeper wounds than the disagreement itself. If you’ve never considered this perspective before, it’s time to. Because without awareness, you’ll continue in conflict unaware of the real damage being done—even when you think you’re just “expressing how you feel.”
And while it may not be physically possible to hear through your spouse’s ears, you can become spiritually attuned to how your words impact them. If you love your spouse the way God calls you to in Ephesians 4:31–32 (ESV), you will care enough to pause and adjust.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
But What If They Hurt Me First?
You might be thinking, What about when my spouse says something that really hurts me? You mean I still have to follow this passage then?
Yes. Especially then. Right in the midst of that painful event would be the most important time, outside of any other time; to practice the instructions of this passage of scripture (Ephesians 4:31-32). It’s easy to practice putting this passage of scripture into action when there’s little to no resistance, which is why it’s important to apply these instructions when you’re least likely to want to do so.
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When it’s hardest to be kind, tenderhearted, or forgiving—that’s when it matters most. It’s easy to apply Scripture when things are calm, but growth happens when you apply it in the middle of pain. This is what 2 Peter 1:3–8 is all about: spiritual maturity built through divine power, not human strength.
“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness…
…make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue… self-control… steadfastness… brotherly affection… and love.”
(2 Peter 1:3–8, abbreviated)
This passage isn’t about perfection. It’s about progression. When you commit to adding these godly qualities, especially during conflict, you position your marriage to grow in grace, not drift into bitterness.
You Can’t Win a Spiritual War With Fleshly Weapons
Even when you know what the Bible says, your flesh will resist it.
That’s where Galatians 5:16 (ESV) becomes the secret weapon for marital peace:
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
The flesh says:
“You don’t have to take that.”
“Don’t let them talk to you like that.”
“That was disrespectful—fire back.”
“That’s not fair.”
The Spirit says:
Pause. Listen. Forgive. Obey.
When you invite the Holy Spirit into the conversation—before reacting—you begin to resolve conflict from a place of spiritual power instead of emotional chaos. And God can do more with your surrender than you can do with your retaliation.
Three Biblical Steps to Resolving Conflict God’s Way
1. Obey Ephesians 4:31–32
Let go of bitterness, anger, and harshness.
Ask God to soften your heart and give you a spirit of compassion and forgiveness toward your spouse—even when it hurts.
2. Apply 2 Peter 1:3–8
God has already given you the power to live a godly life in your marriage.
But it takes work. Add faith, virtue, self-control, patience, godliness, and love to your daily interactions. These qualities help you respond with grace instead of reacting in anger.
3. Practice Galatians 5:16
Resist the temptation to “win” in the flesh.
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in the heat of the moment. Surrender to His leading and trust Him with the results.
Scriptures for Deeper Reflection
- Proverbs 15:1 – A soft answer turns away wrath
- Proverbs 19:11 – A person’s wisdom yields patience
- Romans 12:2 – Be transformed by the renewing of your mind
- Romans 12:19 – Do not take revenge
- 1 Corinthians 10:13 – God provides a way of escape
- Ephesians 4:31–32 – Be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving
- Galatians 5:16 – Walk by the Spirit
- James 1:19–20 – Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger
- James 4:7 – Submit to God, resist the devil
- 2 Peter 1:3–8 – Grow in spiritual maturity
Take the Next Step
We encourage you to study these Scriptures deeply. Reflect on them, pray through them, and apply them one by one. Consider also learning others, like Ephesians 4:2–3, which offer further guidance on walking in unity with your spouse.
If you’re ready to experience real change in your marriage, we offer online and in-person Christian Marriage Counseling through our Marriage Replenishment Program. This biblical and practical approach is designed to help couples resolve conflict, rebuild trust, and restore emotional and spiritual connection—God’s way.
Visit www.thecolorofmarriage.com to learn more.
Let’s talk about what’s not working—and how to begin again, with God at the center.
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